Identity Theft My Ass!

This whole concept of "Identity Theft" is a new one, made up by the banking industry. It works like this:

I give my money to the bank with the understanding that they will give me the same amount of money back when I ask for it. It's now their money.

They are free to invest it any way they want. They make a profit from the investment. They pay me a very small percentage of their profit, to encourage me to give them more money. The government gives the bank the legal right to make loans of nine times the value of their recorded "deposits".

The money they loan out does not exist. When you borrow "money" from them, they just give you a check. You deposit that check in a bank, and that bank records it as a deposit. That bank can then make loans in the value of nine times that deposit, and profit from any interest they are paid on the loan. It's like printing money. It's legal.

Then somebody goes to my bank, and tricks them into believing that they are me. The bank cheerfully gives this person some of the bank's money without bothering to make sure they are me. The bank then makes a note on a ledger that pretty much says "reduce the ammount of money that we will pay back to the hippie by X ammount".

I go to collect some of the money the bank promised to pay me when I wanted it, and they say "The money is not there".

I say "Yes it is, you have a vault full of it. It's all mixed up with your other money."

They say, "No, somebody stole your identity, and took your money".

I say "No, they stole your money, because your security policies are obviously flawed".

They say "No, it was your money, and it's gone".

Now if it were my money, I would have taken better care of it. If it were my money, I would have recieved the lion's share of any profit made from it's investment, with the smaller percentage going to the bank for choosing what to invest it in, like with a broker.

By this definition from http://www.thefreedictionary.com/identity, Which of these defintions of identity was stolen from me?

i·den·ti·ty
n. pl. i·den·ti·ties
1. The collective aspect of the set of characteristics by which a thing is definitively recognizable or known: "If the broadcast group is the financial guts of the company, the news division is its public identity" Bill Powell.
2. The set of behavioral or personal characteristics by which an individual is recognizable as a member of a group.
3. The quality or condition of being the same as something else.
4. The distinct personality of an individual regarded as a persisting entity; individuality.
5. Mathematics
a. An equation that is satisfied by any number that replaces the letter for which the equation is defined.
b. Identity element.

It can't be #1. The person who stole the bank's money was not definately recognised as me. They were mistakenly recognised as me. That's the bank's fault.

#2 Doesn't apply.

#3? To the bank, that person may have appeared to be me, but it wasn't me. They were only supposed to pay that money to me.

#4? You can't take that away from me.

#5? What the hell are they talking about? I know I'm not satisfied with this equation.

The bank screws up and pays the wrong person, and because they own the government, the laws say I'm supposed to cover their losses.

Identity theft my ass.